The things that no one talks about

As I go through life, I have had some significant experiences that many others have gone through that NOBODY has told me what really happens. I have read the books and heard people speak of their experience but there are just somethings that no one talks about.

So...I lost my dad this week. I was his only child and I have had to make all of the arrangements myself. I know that death is a sensitive subject and honestly I don't know to many people who have lost a parent. Any preconceptions that I had on what would happen after the death of someone you love come from T.V., movies, and my experiences with going to wakes and funerals.

My dad's death was unexpected. I always knew that I would lose him but, it never crossed my mind that his life would have been cut so short. I miss him and I guess......... writing about this is part of my grieving process. I have never felt pain like this, I have been emotional and have had many laughs over the way I have handled things.

Brian, Brandon and I were driving home from the weekend at the lake on Monday, August 25. My phone rang and I saw it was my Dad. I thought twice about answering. I was really tired and didn't feel like talking. I hadn't talked to my Dad in about a week so I decided to answer. When I did......there was a strange voice that said "Natalie, this is Dan, your Dad's neighbor. Your Dad has passed way". I was in shock!! I thought that there must have been some mistake. I had seen my Dad about a month earlier and he didn't look very well but he said he was good. He never complained that he wasn't feeling well.

We drove to his home to find my Grandma on the couch surrounded by people that I hadn't seen before. There was a police car out front and my dad was still in his room where he had been found. His body would remain there for about 2 hours while we waited for the coroner. As we sat there I felt like I was in a dream. Everything was exactly where my Dad had left it the night before. His slippers were on the floor by his chair. His glass of water and teeth were sitting on the table by his chair and I was expecting him to walk in the room at any moment.

When the coroner came it was like what I had seen on T.V. She asked alot of questions, explained what she was going to do, told us what she had found and then they carried out my dad in a bag.

Since that day, I have been responsible for making all of the arrangements for my dad. I have never done this before, I didn't and don't know what to do and non of my "elders" have stepped in to give me direction. I am the pilot of a plane I have never flown without a manual.

My dad wanted his body to be cremated. When I went to the mortuary I didn't know what to expect. I assumed that there would be a standard funeral price and of course you could choose your upgrades but, I was not expecting the cafeteria style price list! Did you know that they charge $200 to dress the body?? Or an additional $200 for a hair stylist. $200 more to have make up on the body? Don't forget that you can rent a casket for $995! I was relieved that my dad had chose to be cremated but couldn't believe that they charged over $1000 for the necessary permits and transport my father's body from the Coroners office to the cremation society and then back to the mortuary.

When we left I felt taken advantage of. I mean everyone dies and do you really think it is necessary to charge $1000 for a body transport??? What are my other options? It is not like I could call a cab and give them a little extra.

Today I went to pick up my Dad's ashes. I didn't want his ashes to sit there in the dreadful mortuary on a shelf so I wanted to bring him home. I had been wondering about how this was going to go and where I was going to put them when I brought them home. I believe that our body is just our vessel while we are here on earth and our soul continues on. But, I still feel like I should treat those ashes as they are my father. It sounds weird and it is hard for me to explain.......I just want them to be taken care of properly.

After I was given the ashes and was walking out of the door, I was feeling very emotional. My father probably carried me out of the hospital when I was born and I was carrying him to his final resting place. As I got to the car, I thought about where I was going to put him. The trunk, the backseat with Brandon, or the front seat????? I thought.......I can't put my dad in the trunk, he would kill me. So, I set my dad's ashes in the front seat and strapped him in. I got in the car, turned on his radio station and drove home.

When I got home, Brian came out to the car to get my dad's ashes and laughed. I did find humor in the whole situation but like I said.....there are somethings people don't talk about. Like where to put the ashes is the car when you pick them up.

One of those weeks!

My doctors appointment went good today. Everything is good. One of the girls is still breech the other is head down and laying on my bladder. I can tell that they are getting bigger, I think that they are having boxing matches in my belly. Next week I will have a more comprehensive ultrasound and I will find out how big the "girls" are getting.

I have been very tired. the past few days have been tough for me with the sudden passing of my father. I wanted to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers! I really appreciate all of you taking the time to think about my family!!

All is Good!

Today we had another ultrasound. I am 21 weeks and things are looking just fine. The girls are now in the Breech Position (taking after their brother for now) and their heart rates are in the 150's. There is good blood flow in the umbilical cords and for now there are not any tangles to be concerned about.

The doctor that we saw today made me feel sooo much better about the weeks to come. He was more Brian and my style. Which many of you know is anything but "textbook". He has been doing this for over 20 years and is very knowledgeable in real life experiences. The last doctor we had seen was very dry and textbook. He did say that most losses with monoamniotic twins happen before 20 weeks and that when it was time to be admitted to the hospital, we would have a say in when I go. He also said that if we wanted to do outpatient monitoring when the time came that was also an option.

We are going to take things a week at a time. It is my hope to stay out of the hospital as long as possible and deliver as late as possible.

The things that will come out of a 3 year olds mouth

Brian, Brandon and I went to a Thai restaurant tonight for dinner and when we got there Brandon was really thirsty and wanting a sprite right now. I explained to Brandon that he would have to wait until our server came over. Brandon was patient for all of 2 minutes and then was getting anxious for the "lady" to come to our table.

Service was V...E...R...Y slow. The "lady" stopped at the table right next to ours and then headed to one across the room. At this point Brandon was not happy and YELLED "hey lady, get your ass over here". Brian and I almost died!!!!! We had Brandon apologize to the server when she finally made it over to our table and then about 5 minutes later he yelled it again when he needed a plate to pour his packet of sugar on!!

So the journey begins...........

Brian and I found out on Thursday August 7, that we would be having TWINS!! It was a routine 20 week ultrasound, we were expecting to find out the sex of our child but, found out that I was carrying TWINS!

What is even more exciting about this is.....we are having Identical Twin Girls. Brian and I aren't just having any identical twins, I am caring Monoamniotic Twins. What this means is that Monoamniotic twins are identical twins that develop inside the same amniotic sac (they are swimming in the same pool). These share a placenta within their mother’s uterus, but have two separate umbilical cords for nourishment. Monoamniotic twins are rare, occurring in approximately 1 in 35,000 to 1 in 60,000 pregnancies.

Unfortunately, monoamniotic twins are at great risk for health complications due to the close proximity of the two umbilical cords in the amniotic sac. This makes it particularly easy for the twins to become entangled in each other’s cords, or to compress one another’s cords, endangering their oxygen and food supply.

Because of the risks associated with this type of pregnancy, I will be monitored very closely. I will start by having weekly ultrasounds that will look the blood flow in each of the babies umbilical cords and the size of each baby. What my doctors will be looking for is cord entanglement and cord compression. Most likely, my doctors will be admitting me into the hospital sometime between 26 and 28 weeks and remain there until delivery that will happen sometime between 32 and 34 weeks.

Right now our twins are healthy. Both weigh 11oz and were very active during the ultrasound. I am sure that the Latte that I had right before had nothing to do with that:) The girls are laying transverse (sideways) and head to butt. The girl on top (baby B) has her head to my left and baby A ( on the bottom) has her head to my right. My doctor said that most likely they will stay in this position until birth (b on top and A on the bottom).

I wanted to start this blog to keep family and friends updated on my condition. This is scary for us but with close monitoring, we will deliver 2 baby girls!!!! They will be premature and will spend sometime in the hospital but they will eventually make it home to the Busse Empire!!