The things that no one talks about

As I go through life, I have had some significant experiences that many others have gone through that NOBODY has told me what really happens. I have read the books and heard people speak of their experience but there are just somethings that no one talks about.

So...I lost my dad this week. I was his only child and I have had to make all of the arrangements myself. I know that death is a sensitive subject and honestly I don't know to many people who have lost a parent. Any preconceptions that I had on what would happen after the death of someone you love come from T.V., movies, and my experiences with going to wakes and funerals.

My dad's death was unexpected. I always knew that I would lose him but, it never crossed my mind that his life would have been cut so short. I miss him and I guess......... writing about this is part of my grieving process. I have never felt pain like this, I have been emotional and have had many laughs over the way I have handled things.

Brian, Brandon and I were driving home from the weekend at the lake on Monday, August 25. My phone rang and I saw it was my Dad. I thought twice about answering. I was really tired and didn't feel like talking. I hadn't talked to my Dad in about a week so I decided to answer. When I did......there was a strange voice that said "Natalie, this is Dan, your Dad's neighbor. Your Dad has passed way". I was in shock!! I thought that there must have been some mistake. I had seen my Dad about a month earlier and he didn't look very well but he said he was good. He never complained that he wasn't feeling well.

We drove to his home to find my Grandma on the couch surrounded by people that I hadn't seen before. There was a police car out front and my dad was still in his room where he had been found. His body would remain there for about 2 hours while we waited for the coroner. As we sat there I felt like I was in a dream. Everything was exactly where my Dad had left it the night before. His slippers were on the floor by his chair. His glass of water and teeth were sitting on the table by his chair and I was expecting him to walk in the room at any moment.

When the coroner came it was like what I had seen on T.V. She asked alot of questions, explained what she was going to do, told us what she had found and then they carried out my dad in a bag.

Since that day, I have been responsible for making all of the arrangements for my dad. I have never done this before, I didn't and don't know what to do and non of my "elders" have stepped in to give me direction. I am the pilot of a plane I have never flown without a manual.

My dad wanted his body to be cremated. When I went to the mortuary I didn't know what to expect. I assumed that there would be a standard funeral price and of course you could choose your upgrades but, I was not expecting the cafeteria style price list! Did you know that they charge $200 to dress the body?? Or an additional $200 for a hair stylist. $200 more to have make up on the body? Don't forget that you can rent a casket for $995! I was relieved that my dad had chose to be cremated but couldn't believe that they charged over $1000 for the necessary permits and transport my father's body from the Coroners office to the cremation society and then back to the mortuary.

When we left I felt taken advantage of. I mean everyone dies and do you really think it is necessary to charge $1000 for a body transport??? What are my other options? It is not like I could call a cab and give them a little extra.

Today I went to pick up my Dad's ashes. I didn't want his ashes to sit there in the dreadful mortuary on a shelf so I wanted to bring him home. I had been wondering about how this was going to go and where I was going to put them when I brought them home. I believe that our body is just our vessel while we are here on earth and our soul continues on. But, I still feel like I should treat those ashes as they are my father. It sounds weird and it is hard for me to explain.......I just want them to be taken care of properly.

After I was given the ashes and was walking out of the door, I was feeling very emotional. My father probably carried me out of the hospital when I was born and I was carrying him to his final resting place. As I got to the car, I thought about where I was going to put him. The trunk, the backseat with Brandon, or the front seat????? I thought.......I can't put my dad in the trunk, he would kill me. So, I set my dad's ashes in the front seat and strapped him in. I got in the car, turned on his radio station and drove home.

When I got home, Brian came out to the car to get my dad's ashes and laughed. I did find humor in the whole situation but like I said.....there are somethings people don't talk about. Like where to put the ashes is the car when you pick them up.