My birthday snuck up on me this year. Usually, the day is spent in some type of celebration but this year was different. The day was pretty mellow. Not only because I am pregnant with twins and giving birth in a week but I spent the day at my dad's house without him or my grandma there. I spent the birthday I shared with my dad gathering his things and going through some of my grandma's personal belongings. It was fun to look at old photos and reminisce with the "Knapp" side of the family.
It is so weird, thinking about what happens to a persons belonging after they pass on. I mean here we all were going through and wondering what to do with some of grandmas things. What do you keep??? What should you keep??? What should you get rid of??? You feel kind of guilty throwing out something that another person kept for years. Then there is the memento that you want to remember that person by.
At my grandma's memorial service one of my aunts came up to me and told me that I could have anything of grandmas that I wanted, just to let her know. Before she had said anything the though really hadn't crossed my mind. What would I want of grandmas??????? What I truly wanted was not to forget my favorite memories of her. The way she snag and played the piano. Her love for life, the way here sugar cookies tasted and the tone she would get in her voice when she would get irritated with something inappropriate that my dad would say. The physical things that I would have wanted were the maracas we would play when I was young and the bonnets that she would put on her head before she went to bed. Things that were probably long gone and only memories in my head.
I am sad. I miss my dad and my grandma. I wish I would have been able to say goodbye.
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